Cliff​​ Diving

There are certain things in life, like cliff diving, where that first step is a doozie. These are the kinds of missteps and bruises that don’t go away when the swelling goes down or a half-century passes. The type that irrevocably change your life forever. In my life the most unsettling and disappointing aspect I reflect on is that beginning at 17 years of age I became the father of three boys in quick succession. I can claim I didn’t know how it happened or that I wasn’t looking, and suddenly they were there, but that would not be the truth. I was present and aware of what was transpiring but frankly speaking, I couldn’t figure out how to do much about it. ​​ As I mentioned elsewhere in other stories, by the time I was 20, the marriage was over. The boys’ mother, enraged at me in particular, fled with the boys to a destination I was legally not allowed to know for many years. I provided payments to a district attorney’s office, unfailingly, I might add, for the following 22 years, along with whatever other requests for additional funds were conveyed to me periodically.

I will not go into any further details regarding this unhappy outcome. In its entirety, it is unpleasant, unfortunate, and regrettable. The 3 boys were the only victims, born to parents unready to provide for their children’s smooth transition into life. In my life, I encountered my own “Kobayashi Maru” no-win scenario as a result of this event. By far, I found it to be much more shattering than instructive. And, unlike “Star Trek’s “Captain Kirk, I could not find a way to “jigger” the software to fix it. I regard my decisions in these events as a personal failure of grand proportions. So much for getting an “A” at life.

I​​ will​​ not​​ go​​ into​​ any​​ further​​ details​​ regarding​​ this​​ unhappy​​ outcome,​​ in​​ its​​ entirety,​​ it​​ is​​ unpleasant,​​ unfortunate,​​ and​​ regrettable.​​ ​​ The​​ 3​​ boys​​ were​​ the​​ only​​ victims,​​ born​​ to​​ parents​​ unready​​ to​​ provide​​ for​​ their​​ children’s​​ smooth​​ transition​​ into​​ life.​​ ​​ Leave​​ it​​ to​​ say,​​ I​​ encountered​​ in​​ my​​ life,​​ as​​ a​​ result​​ of​​ this​​ event,​​ my​​ own​​ “Kobayashi​​ Maru”​​ no-win​​ scenario​​ and​​ found​​ it​​ to​​ be,​​ by​​ far,​​ much​​ more​​ shattering​​ than​​ instructive.​​ ​​ And,​​ unlike​​ “Star​​ Trek’s​​ “Captain​​ Kirk​​ I​​ could​​ not​​ find​​ a​​ way​​ to​​ “jigger”​​ the​​ software​​ to​​ fix​​ it.​​ I​​ regard​​ my​​ decisions​​ in​​ these​​ events​​ as​​ a​​ personal​​ failure​​ of​​ grand​​ proportions.​​ So​​ much​​ for​​ getting​​ an​​ “A”​​ at​​ life.